All That I've Got

but im waiting here just like this...

2010-02-18T18:57:00.003+08:00

not so far as my love, not so far as my heart, my sore feelings, someday u'll notice too.. though it hurts and this love's like a poison to me but my mean heart and my head will remember u and wait for u...
i might be elsewhere other than ur side but i have always belonged to u...
a glimpse from a distance is fine I just want to see u again...

imizubii

2009-12-07T01:14:00.001+08:00

staring at tears on the pages of letters that i never could write, i know love isnt painless but it's worth the risk it's worth the fight, playing it over and over i wish that i could turn back time.. baby we're wrong but we could be right... empty glasses and tables echo's through these walls.. the memories go where we go, they're like the suitcase that u never lose.. if the good lords eye is upon me i swear to make things right, what ever we've lost i know we can find... why do we miss what we never had.. both of us fell to the ground and love was so lost. it could'nt be found what would it take to for who's blame.. im tired of crying at the sound of ur name.. why dont we turn this around, love in the ending dont u wanna be lost then found

i am sick

2009-10-08T02:48:00.004+08:00

in a lifetime how many times are u too late in discovering u’ve already lost what’s most important to u.. sudden realizations are long gone, why is it only after making mistakes that u’re willing to believe that u are the one who was wrong...
they say that’s just life, u have to try and learn from experience.. try enduring falling tears or u’ll hide yourself away from the feelings u should have..
i cant plead with the world to stop turning, i know avoidance isnt useful at all.. its just that right now, especially at night, i’ll still think of things that are hard to forget.. i think my yearning is a kind of sickness, for so long i havent been able to recover from it

frantically forgetting that the people beside us need love and concern, excuses always increase the distance between us... unwittingly, unknowingly, we’re always busy complaining and disobeying, yet we’re unwilling to look back and examine ourselves, thinking of what foolish things we’ve actually done.. perhaps its God testing me..
it’s just that this wound requires a bit of time, it’s just that i yearn for everything that has passed, those people and things are far from me, and we eventually will also find distance turned to memories

for how long have u not said i love you, for how long have u not embraced the people u love.. when this world is no longer so lovely, only love can make things better
i believe, its still not too late, ignore those constant disruptions.. dont make unhappy things stop ur progress, im just afraid u wont speak, just afraid u wont act.. dont let the regret continue, its still not too late

when u are on the other side of the mountains and hills, theres no end to my lonely road..
i often think i feel u breathing behind my ears, but i’ve never felt the breath of your deepest thoughts... Renee i dunno why are u being so cold to me, but i want u to know that im suffering here but it doesnt matter because loving u is all that i have ever known even if it hurts

come home... im waiting.. i miss u ):

2009-10-01T06:37:00.006+08:00

its been exactly a month now that it started to hurt... i was crying while reading back our history on msn since we've met.. i realised how different i am in real life.. im sorry i was being so lousy and dunno how to express myself to show u how much i really cared and love u.. i wasnt treating u the way i should be.. i know u treat me different from others.. i can feel it.. and im proud of it...
i remember how u care for me more than my own teammates when they cant look for me, they will only call me once or twice but u will call me more than 10 times even when my phone is off.. i remember how i got ur number and my 1st sms to u was to thank u for supporting... i was being such a fool to not have seen u from the start...

i remember what u wore on the first day.. u came into my life and i thought.. "hey, u know, this could be something" cause everything u do and words u say.. it takes my breath away and now im left with nothing.. u mean so much to me..
i remember every look upon your face.. the way u roll ur eyes.. the way u taste, u make it hard for breathing cause when i close my eyes and drift away, i think of u and everything's okay..
so maybe its true and i started to believe that i cant live without u.. there's so much time to figure out the rest of my life and u already got me coming undone...

do u remember when we didnt care.. do u remember us at all ?
we were just two kids that took the moment when it was there... i remember when we stole the night.. we'd lie awake near the park but dreaming till the sun would wash the sky... as deep as i need u, u wanna leave it all... WHYYYY ?!
what can i do ?
say its true or everything that matters breaks in two u know that i'll nvr ask for anyone but u...
talk to me... im throwing myself in front of u.. this is the last mistake that i would ever wanna do...
im sorry but so what ? u dont think i've said enough

cant believe u asked me why i want to have a break from my games.. when u know its because of u.. u should know how much games means to me.. but whats the point of me holding on to something that im best at but i've already lost the 1 i cared the most.. its better to just lose it all because nothing can be compared to u... whats the use of me having such a talent without the person i want to see it most... its such a waste

u should know what kind of person i am when it comes to relationships, how much i put myself into it and how i always get hurt badly.... i dont simply say those 3 words and 8 letters, only when i mean it.... didnt i tell u how i was feeling before we started.. i was so afraid, so afraid to
lose u, because i know u are the special one.. they say its hard to get someone that loves u and u should cherish them but i gave all my love and i get hurt the most instead.. am i doing something wrong ?
i was stupid enuf to not go look for u straight and talk it out just because i was silly to think on ur side that ur exams means alot to u and i dunwan to put pressure on u so that u can do well... just hope that u will give me that chance i deserved..

day after day, time passed away and i just cant get u off my mind.. nobody knows, i hide it inside.. everyday i try to tell u that i've nvr felt so much love before..
night after night i hear myself say, why cant this feeling just fade away.. maybe because i know that u're that special someone and something is stopping me from letting go.. there's no one like u.. u speak to my heart.. it's such a shame we're worlds apart now..
every night when i lie on my bed i start to cry, i havent been sleeping much lately.. i havent been going to class for 2 weeks now.. u're all over me....

give me attention.. i need it now !! too much distance to measure it out loud.. tracing patterns across a personal map and making pictures where the lines overlap...
call me over.. tell me how u got so far, nvr making a single sound.. im so not used to it but i can learn...
i’ve never been happy until u came into my life.. u showed me how it was done.. noone is as lucky as us.. we’re not at the end but we already won...

think of me when u're out there.. i'll beg u nice from my knees and when the world treats u way too fairly then well it's a shame im just a dream...
i think i'll pace my house a few times and fall asleep on the couch, wake up early, to black and white re-runs that escape from my mouth..
i could follow u to the beginning, just to relive the start.. maybe then we'd remember to slow down at all of our favourite parts... all i wanted was u.. i still do :(

the day i gave my heart to u, take good care of it, i will nvr ask for it because i wouldnt want anyone else to have it... i love u baby (:

insomnia ? or a sickness called "heartbroken"

2009-09-29T06:01:00.001+08:00

eventhough u're gone and far away.. i can feel u all around me, thickening the air im breathing, holding on to what im feeling, take my hand i give it to u.. i think about it every single day.. i see u in everything i do..
i cant sleep, its hard to breathe and i still feel u next to me....
when it comes to a broken heart, ur love is the worst 1.. i hurt so much, i cant sleep because everytime i lie on my bed i see u next to me, i can smell u when im all alone and i cant stop thinking of u.. i get so upset and starts crying every night... i feel like a falling star, there's a fire in the city thats burning out tonight.. im still breathing but im barely alive.....
spinning like a movie in my head, i've seen it a thousand times.. i've learned to take it hard and fall instead.. im sitting safe on the sidelines.... lost days, pictures fade and somehow u're still miles away..
if someone brought u a falling star just to kiss u, i'll be out here on my own, getting worst day by day, but i want u to know that i miss u baby ):

for u, i love u only YOU baby.. s2

2009-09-22T04:39:00.006+08:00

the white starlight wraps around my tears.. my tears fall against the warm breeze, can u feel it?
the silence is trembling for u
i draw u on paper, ur warm smile envelopes me.. is this love?
i see u even when i close my eyes... im walking through our memories, it tears well up in my heart.. what should i do?
i even long for u in my dreams, i see u in everything and everything i do reminds me of u..
look at me like the stars in the sky... cant you be the one in my heart ?!
i will be waiting for you, i will wait for you, i wont show my tears any longer.. you let me know about this false love, i wont let go because its you

its not that i keep hanging on, im nvr letting go.....

my best friend and my love

2009-09-21T04:42:00.002+08:00

im not going to write for anyone anymore, u will be the last and only for u RENEE TENG..
this blog is now officially empty.. like me